Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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