Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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