She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
