I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
