U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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