Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
