Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
