I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
