You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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