I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
