you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
