Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Two words: nipple clamps
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