maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
