I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
