i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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