she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
