They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
