Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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