Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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