i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
