Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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