I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
