No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
