remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
