you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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