Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
