Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
