Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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