You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
