Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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