oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
