Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
