I wanna passion pit in your ass
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
