mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
