Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
