so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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