I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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