I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
