she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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