Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They have beer where we have blood.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Please don't give away my fajitas
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
