when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
