it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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