If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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