i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
