How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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