i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
