I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
