The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
