Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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