whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
