no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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