i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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